This is the birth story of a successful VBA2C and surrogacy journey, told by Marcy Gordon.
Photographs by Vannessa Brown Photography

​It all began on Sunday May 23. I started having BH ctx and had them all day long, through the night and into the next morning. I admittedly was feeling very exhausted. The Monday, my 3yo was a handful. She got into black eyeshadow, peed on my bed (while I was cleaning up the eyeshadow mess) and then ate the tops off 4 cinnamon rolls while I was cleaning up my bed...I was done​​. The reality of being so pregnant, with constant contractions was hitting me a bit extra that day. 

I had my 37w midwife appointment on Tuesday May 25 and spoke to her about what had happened. Because I was a VBA2C I knew that induction with castor oil was not encouraged and I had spoken to her previously about my preference to not use it. So when I walked into her office and explained I was done by saying "I'm to the point of wanting castor oil" she knew where my head & heart were at. Instead, she offered a vaginal exam and if my body was preparing she would do a stretch & sweep if I wanted. I jumped at the chance. 

It was discovered that my internal cervix was at 4cm, while my external was at 1.5cm. Indeed, my body was prepping! We agreed to meet up that Friday and try to induce if things didn't happen by then. 

She did another exam and said that she thought it would be successful based on my cervix, and if it was successful, I'd come back in and she would break my water and we'd be off to the races. She inserted the foley bulb and sent me home to wait for it to fall out. I was home all of 2 min and the damn thing burst, it had only been in for 30 min! Apparently it rarely happens. I guess I have to be the odd one. Haha. She asked me to come back in 2 hours to reinsert the foley bulb and try again. During that 2 hours, my body began contracting. Regularly. 

Hubby and I began arranging child care, he arranged coverage at work...just in case. And at 4pm on May 26, we went back to her office & I was already in labor. The foley bulb, while only in for 30 min had apparently done its job. I was 4cm dilated and contracting every 3 min. She decided it was time to stay at the birth center & have a baby!! WOOHOO!! We moved to a labor room and got settled in. I called the Doula, the daddies, the photographer & let my childcare know it was go time! ​
Everyone showed up within an hour. After all, it wasn't full active labor yet, but was moving along. My GBS test results had not yet come back, so my midwife suggested doing antibiotics as a precaution. I agreed, it was safest for baby. She got the IV going and the abx were in right at 5pm. I begged for her to break my water, but she felt more comfortable waiting for the 2nd round of antibiotics to be on board, which had to be 4 hours after the first round. I compromised and asked to revisit that topic in 2 hours instead of 4. She agreed.

Shortly after 5pm, the IF's and my husband went out to pick up dinner for everyone. Most everyone sat around the table at the birth center and spent time visiting & joking with each other. I was instructed to walk and do stairs to help things move along. I did so many stairs. I can't even explain to you how many flights of stairs I did. Yet, nothing picked up. In fact, everything slowed down. I was frustrated. 

Around 7pm I spoke to my midwife in private and we had a discussion about breaking my water right then. I was so tired from days of not sleeping. Walking & doing stairs. I just wanted to chill out. We agreed I could stop trying to get things moving since the plan was to break my water at 9pm instead, after the 2nd round of antibiotics, which she truly felt was important. I could use this time instead, to chill out & visit and just relax. Which I did. I had such good conversation with everyone and it was so relaxed & comfortable. No awkwardness amongst anyone. It was truly amazing and something I had wanted for so long - a peaceful, relaxed birth! 

At about 8pm I decided to hit the shower. The birth center has an unlimited hot water system...so who am I to turn that down? I stayed in there for 40 min. It was heavenly. But with water, comes tape removal. My IV tape was coming off and my IV itself was starting to come out. The midwife was able to push it back in, with what we thought was no issue. However, she hooked up the 2nd round of antibiotics at 8:45 and my hand was stinging!! Unfortunately, the IV had to come out as the antibiotics were going into my hand and not my vein. She inserted another IV into the opposite hand and we were off the races again. 

The antibiotics finished around 9:15pm and after that, she tried to break my water. Funny thing...if you're not contracting, there is no counter pressure inside the bag of water to help your care provider rupture the bag. I wasn't contracting. She tried twice and no go. She couldn't break my water. She did say I was 5cm though, so when I did have a contraction, it was doing something! Even so, I felt very frustrated. I just wanted contractions to pick up, on their own and get the party started, but it seemed everything I tried didn't work. I walked around some more. Went for an outdoor walk with my husband. Did more stairs. Nada. My midwife asked if we could try to get some good contractions going and if I could, she'd try to break my water around 11pm. 
Multiple times, throughout all the efforts I was trying, both my midwife & doula suggested nipple stimulation. While my husband was more than happy to help, the thought of it was A) embarrassing to me for some reason and B.) repulsive. I did not want anything touching my breasts! While I declined it, in the back of my mind I thought it might help just enough for my midwife to break my water. My midwife told me and my husband to catnap for a bit around 10:45pm. She suggested we try to rest before she would break my water. We rested until close to 11:30pm. I didn't fully sleep, but I did try to relax. I also did some nipple stimulation on myself close to the 11:30 mark, knowing my midwife needed a good contraction to break my water. It worked! I had 3 good contractions and she was able to break my water!! She also told me I was 6cm dilated. I thought FOR SURE this will kick me into labor, it was my guaranteed "you're having a baby today!" sign. She declared me officially in active labor. I was STOKED!

Well. If birth is one thing, its unpredictable. Breaking my water didn't do squat. I had some good contractions for a bit, then they died off and I was right back to square one. I tried another shower, hoping the hot water might help kick it up a notch. Nope. More walking. Nope. Tried sitting on the toilet backwards. That didn't help either. I leaned over a birthing ball on all 4's, that was also useless. 

Again, my midwife came in and suggested nipple stimulation. By this time it was around 1 am. I still declined. They offered to try pressure points & a castor oil belly rub. Yup, I was game for those! I sat on a birthing ball while my Doula did pressure points on my ankles & toes. It felt really nice having a leg/ankle/foot rub, but alas, did not spur contractions. Immediately afterward, my midwife came in to do the castor oil belly rub. That also felt lovely. Belly massage was relaxing and she covered me with a warm towel to help absorption and said to stay laying like that for 30 min. We had nothing to lose, right? I had a few contractions, but then nothing again. I decided to hop into the shower again. My happy place. When I came out, I was feeling so very tired. My midwife strongly recommended nipple stimulation again, curb walking or doing lunges. The curb walking & lunges would allow me to avoid nipple stim, but they both the midwife and doula said my absolute best bet was nipple stimulation. 

I was to the point of desperation, I agreed to let hubby help me with nipple stimming. Everyone left the room, gave us privacy & my midwife said she'd be back to check on me in 15 min and listen to baby. Perfect. 

Let me tell you. Nipple stimulation WORKS. I laid down on my left side, and felt something change ever so slightly and thought nothing of it. Hubby crawled in next to me and before he even got to me, I was slammed with an intense contraction. Cool. Totally thought it was a one-off. We began working on the nipple stimming and like clockwork, every 2-3 min I was getting contractions. Not just any contractions. These ones were intense. I was so uncomfortable, yelling through them, injuring my husbands fingers and wrists. 

This was it. We were in the game. Midwife checked on me after 15 min, baby sounded happy as could be, she left us alone again to do our thing, but I instead just laid next to my husband and the contractions continued. My body was taking over and didn't need the nipple stimming anymore, YAY! This was around 3:30am or so.

Before the next 15 min interval was up, my midwife came in and checked on me. My sounds were getting louder. More intense. She knew something was up. She had me get in the tub (which is something I wanted) and everyone came in the room and were very quiet and just hung out, waiting. I, on the other hand, was not quiet. I cursed. I yelled. I argued with people ("You can do this!" "NO I CAN'T!!") The contractions were becoming beyond any intensity I had experienced, and I was hitting my "give me drugs" point. I had my guys leave the room before my midwife did a quick check of my cervix while in the tub and to her credit, did NOT tell me my cervix was back down to 4cm. Without the bag of water, the cervix had closed slightly. Normal, but she knew I would be frustrated as I learned later on. She did say I was looking at potentially another 2 hours of labor though with the caveat that things might go faster, you just never know.

I was dumbfounded. 2 more hours of these intense contractions? No. F*****g. Way. I wanted to tap out and get all the drugs. My doula, my midwife & hubby were all very positive and encouraging in their words to me. I was not kind in my responses to them. I have NEVER ever felt contractions like those. ​

Around 4:15am my noises were changing and my midwife wanted to check on me. My contractions weren't letting up, I was feeling constant cervical pain and she was afraid my uterus may have ruptured. I was helped out of the tub, onto the bed and she checked on baby, who was totally happy. When I laid down, my contractions became 1 contraction that just didn't stop. No break. The peak of them, just kept climbing. I was screaming at this point. I couldn't talk. My husband was crying b/c my sounds were actually scaring him - he had never heard me like that. 7 births and this was the most intense by far and he was so worried about my level of pain. My midwife did a quick cervical check at 4:26am. I was 6cm. 

I heard 6cm and not the 10cm I was hoping for and was certain I was going to die. There's no way a human can survive this level of pain. It just isn't fathomable. I wasn't feeling pushy. I had no rectal pressure. In my head I was certain baby was never coming out. The one long intense contraction that was still happening suddenly hit a level beyond comprehension. I was writhing from pain, screaming at the top of my lungs and suddenly pushing, involuntarily. It was very strange, but my body took over. My mouth slammed shut, I bore down but didn't have the energy and didn't catch my breath, but couldn't stop pushing. My midwife called for the 2nd midwife who was in the room next door grabbing some shut eye. Before she made it into the labor room, baby was already out. The daddies barely made it back in, they caught a glimpse of her birth as her feet were coming out. She was born at 4:32am.

Oh. My. God. The relief. All the pain, the intensity, everything just stopped. Like a light switch. It felt SO good. It was instantaneous. Baby was placed on my side briefly as I had pushed in a sidelying position. I rolled onto my back, held her snug and invited her daddies (who were standing next to me) to come sit next to me and meet their new daughter. They walked around to the opposite side and snuggled right in so baby's cord wouldn't pull. They were beaming and I was grateful! 

As soon as the cord stopped pulsing, they cut her cord and got to snuggle with her in some comfy chairs. I however, wasn't faring as well. My placenta was bleeding a lot. My midwife became concerned quickly. I was given an oxytocin shot in the leg, along with IV oxytocin and she encouraged me strongly, to get my placenta out ASAP. I pushed multiple times, but it wasn't coming out. It took a good 10 min and some traction from her, but eventually all my pushing helped and it came out. As soon as it was out, the bleeding was under control. I lost about a liter of blood total. It was considered a hemorrhage. My first time experiencing that! 

My midwife looked over the placenta. To make sure it was fully intact and found out I actually had a placenta with a velamentous cord insertion with the blood vessels actually growing into the membranes. Something that was never discovered on ultrasound. She was amazed. VCI's can be dangerous, but no one knew! 

Once the placenta was all oooh'ed and ahhh'ed at, the midwife made us all breakfast. I got a huge apple cinnamon waffle with a mountain of whipped cream and a fruit parfait. It was delectable. I also drank wine straight from the bottle. Wine & Waffles should be a new breakfast combo. That wine tasted like pure heaven on my tongue. The daddies ate their breakfast outside the labor room so that hubby & I could have some time to us and get a bit of rest before leaving to go home. We woke up a couple hours later around 7:30am. I had a shower, which was stopped almost immediately as I was nauseous and faint. Cold cloths were immediately put on my neck & head and my midwife gave me IV gravol. I moved back to the bed and laid down for a bit. She was about to give me IV fluids but somehow, between the time of the IV gravol going in and fluids, my IV had blown and the saline was going into my wrist instead of my vein. She took out the IV and I was instructed to drink water, lots of it and quickly. I felt very waterlogged after that. But after 15 min perked up. The daddies came in to say goodbye. They were about to take their new baby girl home!! I got to hold her and truly enjoy that snuggle...and hand her back. They were smitten and it was heartwarming to see. 

After that, my doula helped pack up our stuff, she helped me with the shower and get dressed & we took a cab home. Neither me or hubby were in a wake enough state to drive safely. 

It was a memorable birth. I got my unmedicated double VBAC (VBA2C), with an unknown valementous cord insertion & a 1L post birth hemorrhage. But I did it and I feel so content. ️ 
​

A labour and birth story in the time of a pandemic, written by his mother, Pamela Sims. 

Esther Wilsi attended the CAPPA Labour Doula training program in November, 2018 with our Full Circle Doula and Instructor, Sonya Duffee. She shares her personal experience of travelling to West Africa to volunteer at the local hospital maternity ward. 

​​My husband is working in Sassandra on the Ivory Coast of West Africa.          
I decided to go visit him. I, fortunately took the CAPPA Labour Doula course with Sonya prior to leaving. Once I arrived in Sassandra, I went to the Hospital General De Sassandra (HGS) and asked for one month work experience as a doula in training. 

Doulas roles are not known in Ivory Coast, at least not in Sassandra.
I was granted permission to help in the delivery room and to follow the midwives directions.

Let, first of all introduce you to the delivery room.

It’s a big room divided in 3 5 feet section. There is 2 bathrooms (toilet). One is to be used by the mother to be or pregnant women and the other one has a sink where there is a basin with a bleach solution, a big garbage bin with a bleach solution where the basins used for birthing are disinfected; there is a smaller garbage bin where all placentas are put before being buried by the hospital staff.

There is only one person allowed in the birthing room, the mother to be. No other family members is allowed in, and men are strictly forbidden. 
There is only one position allowed during labour, on the left side of the body facing a white tiled wall. This position is to be kept regardless of the length of the labour.

After giving birth, the mother is kept in the room for 15 to 20 minutes in order to verify that there is not unusual bleeding; if not, she is cleaned with wet rags, a traditional pads is installed, she dresses up and is moved to the pre / after birth room.

​The pre / after room is a bigger room with 10 beds, 2 big doors and 2 windows. It gets quiet hot in that room by lack of fan.
Upon arrival to the delivery room, all pregnant women are given IV, regardless of how dilated they are or not. 

On busy days, if they are not enough dilated, they are sent back in the pre /after birth room until the midwife decide that they are dilated enough to be moved to the delivery room.
​
There are 2 birthing options given: a vaginal delivery or C-Section. Most women choose the vaginal option. 

​Only one woman asked for a C section when she could no longer stand the pain. She made us swear to not tell to her family that it was her choice, but instead that it was the doctor recommendation. In this culture, a woman is considered strong only when she can give birth naturally through her vagina. 

My first impression was the lack of materials.
Many days, there were no gloves available in the delivery room or needle with thread to suture a woman who had an episiotomy. 

Upon arrival, the midwife gives a prescription for a birth kit. The mother to be family go to the hospital pharmacy and get a free birth kit. The birth kit has 10 pairs of gloves, needle and thread, umbilical cord clamp, cotton gauge… 10 pairs of gloves are quickly used; between doing the HVI test, installing IV, taking blood sample, checking for dilation…The family need to purchase more gloves and cotton gauge. In general, there were 2 midwives, 2 LPN, 1 hygienist and 2 trainees (cleaning the room and materials used) on duty at time. The whole hospital had one gynaecologist and another doctor who was training to become one. 

The gynaecologist performs the C-Section, cleaning of the uterus (after and abortion made outside of the hospital or miscarriage) and sees pregnant women or women who want to become pregnant.
After a week observing and not interfering with their practice, I was treated less like a foreigner. They still kept calling me “The Canadian girl” and no one knew my name.

When they started looking at me differently, I dared asking for some favours. Some got given to me with a “the Canadian girl you do what you want” and some other time with “we don’t do this here”. Regardless of the answer, I will thank the midwife.
Not only did they no longer interfered when I was by a mother side by making unpleasant comments, but they would even sometimes call me when a pregnant woman was hard to deal with, mostly because she was in great amount of pain and didn’t know how to cope with it.
I was able to attend to 14 pregnant women and observe the change in the way they were coping with pain when they had me by their side.
Some women came in almost fully dilated, at that moment, it became almost impossible for them to grasp anything I was telling them.

There is a huge lack of information.
Most women had no understanding of what a contraction was and the contraction phases. Most women didn’t know how to push in order to expel the fetus. Women would come in and complain of stomach ache and low back pain and be sure that the pain would never end and that the baby would kill them. I noticed it even in mothers who gave birth before.

​Typical procedures, I noticed:

Episiotomies, if the pushing phase went longer than ten minutes, an episiotomy was performed. Once the baby out, the umbilical cord is cut right away and the baby is taken away and cleaned.

Fundal Massage, the midwife massages the uterus and the placenta is either expelled or pulled out.

Baby removed from mother, After birth the baby is wrapped up and placed in a heated incubator. No one informs the mother the sex of their baby or if baby is healthy or not. No one lets the family members know if all went well, while they are waiting outside.

​I made sure to congratulate the mother on her new born, tell her about the baby sex and the weight. I would go out of the room and let the family members know that all went well and announce the baby sex and weight to them. After the mother was moved to the pre / post natal room, I would assist with breastfeeding.

Here are few examples or changes that took place when I was there.

AHOE 
3rd pregnancy, 2nd one, delivered at 8 months passed away shortly after birth

She came in just for a check-up, she was in her 8th months along. After being checked the midwife, they decided to keep her, she was dilated. The amniotic pouch could be seen at the entrance of the vagina. The mother was really scared; scared that she would lose this one too.
She kept telling me how her last born died because she was not full term and that the same was happening with this pregnancy also. I stayed by her side and reassured her that at 8 months the fetus can live on its own. At one point, I wanted to leave for a minute to check on a pregnant lady who just came to the next cubicle; she held my arms and asked me not to leave her alone. I stayed. 
She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. The pushing phase was quick, she didn’t even made a sound. I was by her side during the whole delivery and she did squeeze my hand pretty well. As soon as her daughter came out and the umbilical cord cut, I asked the midwife if I could put the baby on the mother breast. I was allowed to do so. The placenta came out pretty quick. When I removed her from her mum breast, she started crying, but by then I was not allowed to put her back on the mother breast.

KOUAME 
3rd pregnancy

It was great, I had more time to teach her breathing technique and do some hypnosis on her, mostly by telling her to focus on an object or just to look at me when the pain became unbearable. I taught her also how to push effectively. During the active labour,  I could see her panicking, I would then look only at her and ask her to look at me, in the eyes, even though the culture here teaches us that it is rude to do so. She would and I would tell her how strong she was and that she can do it. She would then go back to her breathing. When the time came to push, baby was born in two pushes and without an episiotomy.

KABOURE 
1st pregnancy

A young girl.. While coaching her, she kept looking at me, which meant turning on her back . All women were instructed to stay on their left side when in labour. The midwives were not happy about her not following this rule. I finally found out that she was deaf and good at lips reading. It was challenging, between having her stay on her left side and trying to pass the message through.
In order to make the delivery happen faster, the midwife placed a pill in her vagina. She was a strong young girl. In no time, quietly she pushed and the baby was out.


MARIAM

This one was the most challenging birth I have been part of.
A young married girl, 17 years old. It was her first pregnancy. She was circumcised, so the opening to her vagina was reduced. She couldn’t cope with any amount of pain. At each contraction, she would start crying, having big tears roll down her cheeks. I could not move an inch or leave her hand. She would just move into panic. It was really difficult. At times, I felt that she didn't understood French. I felt like she could not hear anything I was saying. I asked the midwife if the mother or auntie could be allowed in the room to translate to her what I was saying. Surprised, they allowed both.
After the visit, she was a bit more calm. She would move in the position she felt comfortable, and the midwife would not be happy. I would then ask her to be on her left side so I could massage her back; she would comply, but as soon as I would stop she would turn to another position. 
During the pushing phase, she pushed hard and the baby head was at the entrance of her vagina. She refused to push because it hurt anytime she would. Then the midwife decided to perform an episiotomy.
She started kicking and screaming, asking the midwife not to cut her and that she could push. She would try again and again, but nothing would happen. Her mother was allowed again in the room, but instead of encouraging her daughter, she started yelling at her, so she was asked to leave. It was challenging, because everyone else was telling her how her baby was suffocating and would die because of her fault. 
I would turn her head to me, look at her and asked her if she can push more. She started getting tired. By talking to her and explaining the reason of having an episiotomy, it was performed (according to the nurse), she calmed down a bit and was cut. She pushed hard and the baby head moved down to the vagina. The pain, “Burning sensation” made her jump and she almost sat on the baby head, the midwife reacted quickly.
Soon the baby was out and I saw her relieved from the pain. 
When asked her mother how they are planning to call the new born, she said, “Do not cut me”, making fun of her daughter. 
 
Most women would come to the hospital complaining of stomach ache, not understanding that they were having contractions.
Most women did not believe me when I told them that as soon as the baby is out, the contraction will stop. 
​
Most women were afraid to even hold their baby once s-he was born. 
One mother asked me to remove the baby from her breast; she was feeling too much pain while being sawn after an episiotomy.


MY OBSERVATION
​
When spending at least 2 hours coaching the mother to be:

• The only time episiotomies were performed were either the mother couldn’t push properly (lot of women were ashamed of having stool come out) or the midwife wasn’t patient.
• The delivery time was less: after couple of pushes the baby was delivered
• It seems easier for them to cope with the pain
• She still had enough energy to push
• She was less tired after the delivery

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​We were thrilled to have one of our collective members, McKenna Kirby test the beautifully handcrafted assortment during her pregnancy and in the postpartum period. ​You can sense the care and attentiveness in the development of these products, each holds a luxurious scent and are delicate in the skin. 

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Sakina Massage Oil is made from a variety of luxurious oils (and made a great excuse for a lengthly massage from my husband!). The oil warms quickly and easily in the hands and feels great during a massage. My skin was left feeling moisturized and soft, and didn't feel greasy or oily, which as mentioned above are huge plusses for me when it comes to oil products. Overall, I was really pleased with the Sakina Massage Oil and it's results. My skin felt great and the massage was smooth and relaxing.
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Sakina 4th Trimester Perineal Spray provided much needed soothing and cooling relief during my postpartum period. I kept the spray in my bathroom where it could be easily accessible, a staple in my postpartum recovery basket. The perineal spray was the perfect solution to some of the pains many women (myself included) experience following the birth of their baby. I highly recommend picking some up for your own postpartum recovery bin.

Baby Bum Spray 
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For those of you who know me, you’ll know how much I talk about “rainbow pregnancy”,which is a pregnancy following the loss of a previous pregnancy or child. I have both personal and professional experience with these unique situations and they are both challenging and beautiful at the same time. In one aspect, going through a pregnancy after a loss can really highlight fears and anxieties you have around birth and around your body’s capability of birthing a healthy baby. However on the other hand, there is no more sacred and loving experience then when a new parent finally holds their rainbow baby in their arms - that feeling brings a wave of light over a darker time in their lives. Needless to say, rainbow pregnancy and birth are more complex then an average pregnancy and birth. As a loss mom with two live rainbows, and a birth doula, I want to share with you 3 tips to help get you through a rainbow pregnancy and help prepare you for an empowering birth experience

After finding out about my second pregnancy (after my first loss), I visited my usual clinic to do some various routine tests and I saw this lovely nurse who will always stand out to my in my memory. She said something to me that carried me through all four of my pregnancies and this piece of advice is one I share with everyone I know who’s just found out they are pregnant after having a previous loss. This advice was to live in the moment, every moment that you are pregnant.

Try not to think about what happened in the past as what’s done is done and nothing you can do now will change that.

On the contrary, don’t obsess over the future as every embryo is different in lifespan. Some babies are meant to be birthed at term, some post and some preterm, and some are only meant to live to 6 weeks, 7 weeks, etc. You can’t ever know how long that baby that is in utero is meant to last, so don’t attempt to predict what the future will hold. Focus on just the present - soak in every pregnancy symptom, every milestone big or small, and never EVER feel bad for fully enjoying your pregnancy even if it doesn’t end the way you’d like it to. Trust me, once I heard this and began to put it into practice, it helped me not to fully get over the children I lost (because you truly never will, and that’s ok) but to process what happened to each of my babies and come to a point of understanding and acceptance
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Whether this is the first baby you’re expecting or your fifth, every single life you create means something. Don’t forget to honour each of those lives and hold space for them for as long as they are with you. Take some time to be alone, away from other family or friends, and allow your consciousness to speak to your unborn baby. Tell them you love them and will always love them no matter how long they stay with you.

Hold them close to your heart (emotionally) and get to know their true spirit. Embracing your time with your baby will make that time really count.

 I personally found that while this didn’t take away the pain of losing a baby, this definitely made me cherish the weeks and months I had with the ones I lost. Many of us feel like we “wasted” our joy and compassionate love when we grew attached to babies we went on to lose. But if you reframe your thinking this way and honour the time they spent with you. The grieving process will be a bit more smooth and you can truly say that the short amount of time was spent with complete love.
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Pregnancy after loss almost has an unspoken “club” (and those of you who have had losses know what I’m talking about). Members of this club usually know how to navigate your heart during a rainbow pregnancy but many do not belong to this club and can be triggering in many ways (usually unintentionally, but still triggering nonetheless). Whether people say something insensitive or just simply “fall pregnant” without complication causing you a feeling of resentment, you need people around you to talk to (or vent, not all days are good days) that actually get it. There’s also that hit that a loss survivor takes to their overall confidence and trust in their body. We feel as though our body didn’t do something right or it failed us somehow, and when you’re on this level of thinking then how could your body give you an empowering pregnancy and birth experience if it didn’t do it properly the first time?

This is such a tough thing, because you NEED to trust your body and trust the process. Nothing that you did, intentionally or not, caused you to lose that baby, believe that because it is true

Better yet, have someone around to believe that for you on days when you don’t. So my best suggestion for that all-encompassing support is a doula, and particularly a doula with experience in loss and supporting loss. Hire a doula as early on as you need to instil confidence back into your mind at any stage of pregnancy. We will be there for you to call or text when you’re having a rough day, but more importantly we will be there for you when you go into labour and your moment of “I can’t do this” is enhanced by the previous trauma of pregnancy loss. A doula will remind you how capable you are of birthing this baby, just like each and every other woman with no previous trauma. We will hold your hand and lift you up so that you feel like the powerful goddess you are, and we won’t let you fall into a dark place during one of the most powerful times of your life.

When I made the (bad) decision to look up the definition of Mommy Tummy, here is what Urban Dictionary gives us (I hope you’re ready for it)
mummy tummy
The stomach a future mom gets when she's pregnant. Usually used when trying to decide if a woman is pregnant or not.

1. James: Hey Bill, Did You See Cathy?

Bill: Yeah She Got Big Didn't She?

James: Naw I Think That's A Mummy Tummy

2. "Excuse me, are you fat or is that just a mummy tummy?"

I warned you.

Regardless of where you look, what you read or who you ask, mommy tummy is seen as a BAD thing.  It should be avoided, eliminated and feared. Societal expectations are that a woman, regardless of the fact she’s a child or multiple children, REQUIRES a flat, tight, toned midsection.   It’s also a great way for fitness pros to trick moms with false promises that prey on insecurities. So.Wrong.

Here are some typical belly goings on during & after pregnancy:

• An average mom will gain approx. 30-40lbs in only 9 months.  That is just related to the baby, fluids, tissue, etc. Then you have one two many grilled peanut butter sandwiches in those 9 months (which is totally worth it BTW) and now it’s closer to 50lbs. That’s a lot of grow in a short amount of time! And it’s almost all in the tummy area.
• The tissue down the centre of the abdominals (linea alba) stretches and thins to allow room for the growing baby.  After delivery, it requires time to heal, regain strength & tension just like any other muscle or tissue in the body. Without the proper attention to detail, this can cause a doming/tenting/bulging appearance in the belly.
• Much of the weight is lost rapidly after pregnancy (many will experience a 15-20# loss in the first week) These rapid changes can leave us with the appearance of sagging skin, which will usually decrease when given time.
• The uterus does not return to normal size for at least 2 months postpartum (which can feel like forever to a new mom)

No matter what our bellies look like on the outside, can we just marvel for a moment about what actually occurred on the inside?
WE GREW A HUMAN. We created life. We made magic happen.

And THAT should be the real definition of a mommy tummy.  Without our mommy tummy, we would not BE mommies! Sure it’s tough being a mom sometimes, but would you give it all up for a six pack? Of course not! (Although certain days it may be tempting!)

I’m certainly not going to tell you that you can’t train for or desire a flatter stomach or smaller waistline.  But let’s steer the conversation in a different direction and talk real, educated talk about what is going on with our bellies after babies.

Diastasis is a hot topic right now with a lot of poor information and advice being given.      
​It’s a completely normal piece of pregnancy and postpartum, and should not be feared. Instead, I want to empower you with a few knowledge bits that can help you manage your diastasis during and after pregnancy.

1. Diastasis can be and is typically exasperated by unmanaged intra-abdominal pressure (IAP)
2. You can learn to manage and control this pressure by learning the piston breath technique found in my free Moms Return To Training playbook HERE
3. Much of the healing in the linea alba is done in the first 8 weeks postpartum, so you want to maximize that time by resting and practicing this breathing technique and avoiding strenuous lifting, etc.
4. If your children are older and you are still struggling with diastasis, there IS hope! You can improve it and live a perfectly wonderful life with a “functional” diastasis. (Meaning you can have a gap, but manage and control how the tissue responds)

There is much to consider and learn about diastasis during pregnancy and postpartum, and by enlisting the support of a Womens health PT or an (educated) postnatal coach, you will see that mommy tummy is nothing to be afraid of.  And the power is in your hands to not only change the aesthetics you want, but to improve your overall bodily function at the same time. And that’s what I call, #winnerwinnerchickendinner ;)

Till next time xo
Christy
Facebook: facebook.com/empowerfityeg/
Instagram: @empowerfityeg

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For those of us who have had babies past our EDD, the struggle of waiting for our baby was REAL. I know all too well what it’s like to have a baby past the estimated due date, both of mine were over by a week or more and boy it was hard! People make comments like “you STILL haven’t had your baby yet?” and the days seem to drag on and on after that much-anticipated date. I’m with ya ladies, but today I want to talk about why going past your “guess date” (as us doulas in Edmonton like to call it), though annoying, does have it’s benefits.

 
Our estimated due date, or EDD as it is referred to by many Edmonton doulas, is measured a couple of different ways. The most common way is by determining the date of your last menstrual period (LMP in cyber lingo) and counting exactly 40 weeks from this date. Technically that makes you two weeks pregnant even before you conceive… weird hey? Well because it’s virtually impossible to know exactly when a female ovulates without being closely monitored by a health professional, it’s easier to just measure the length of a pregnancy by their first day of their last period. However, there is tons of room for error in this method as women are all unique when it comes to cycle length and time of ovulation. This basically assumes that all women have identical cycles every month!
 
The other method of measuring your EDD, which has a bit more accuracy, is an early ultrasound in your first trimester. The ultrasound tech will measure the baby in a variety of different areas and base their age on an average of other babies at this stage. The problem with this? Humans are all different, especially in their rate of growth. A baby may be the size of an 8 week old fetus, but is actually 10 weeks old and just hasn’t hit a common growth spurt yet. Once again, not a very accurate measure of the age of a baby.
 
So you now can see why us doulas in Edmonton call your EDD a “guess date”. Aside from the level of accuracy of these tests, how do we know that humans gestate for exactly 40 weeks? There have actually been studies that show that 40 weeks and 5 days is a more accurate measure of gestation, but all women and babies are different.

So if this date is such a crap shoot, why even bother with one?
Well, it is important to know approximately how old your baby is for various reasons. The first is to ensure that baby is growing and developing at a normal or average rate. Knowing how old a fetus is at the 20 week anatomy ultrasound will determine if the baby’s various parts are in a normal size range for their age.

​While not all babies grow at the same rate, there shouldn't be too much difference between what one 20-week baby looks like to the other. Another reason to know the EDD is for viability purposes. If you were to come down with an illness in which it would compromise you or the baby’s health to stay pregnant, such as preeclampsia, your health care provider will want to weigh the risks of inducing or performing a cesarean at the age they are at vs. letting the baby gestate a bit longer. Generally speaking there is an age where a baby is more likely to survive outside the womb, but the longer baby an stay in utero the better (for the most part).

A common misconception that is out there and one that I’ve fallen for is that in a normal, low-risk pregnancy, a baby cannot stay in utero past 41 weeks. Or even worse, people really do believe that their baby does not know when they are to be born safely. If you look at the evidence-based research and information out there, this is just not true! First of all, since we haven’t determined exactly how old your baby is or how long he/she needs to gestate for, what sense would it make to cut baby off at what we think is 41 weeks? When I ask people this question, many reply with “but I can just get induced and it will be fine”. Yes this may be true for many, but inductions do carry many risks to both mom and baby. It has also been suggested with many studies that your baby is the person who decides when you will go into labour. Your baby is the one that triggers the specific hormone releases days, hours and even minutes before they are born.

​Disrupting this physiological process has consequences and has been shown to increase a woman’s chance of postpartum haemorrhage, breastfeeding issues and postpartum mood disorders. It’s important to not panic when baby has not come on their guess date, as your baby knows when they are ready for life outside the womb. There are obviously cases where baby coming out before this date is best for the health and safety of you both, but for the most part it’s an instinctive response that baby should make on their own.

​At Full Circle Birth Collective we are passionate at helping expectant parents start their journey into parenthood feeling informed and supported. It can be daunting looking through endless pregnancy books, not knowing which will be worth your time. Don’t worry, we have you covered to start the new year reading these “doula approved” books.

Birthing From Within by Pam England, brings a holistic and spiritual approach back to birth. Pam brings her vast knowledge from her over 20 years of work as a midwife to this book that gives practical and relevant advice for pregnancy all the way to postpartum. This book will empower you to consider birth as an act of self discovery rather than a medical event. ​

'The Ubbi diaper pail is made of powder-coated steel to achieve maximum odor control. It is equipped with rubber seals that are strategically designed to lock in odors as well as a sliding lid that minimizes air disruption, keeping the smell inside the pail. To meet the needs of today's eco-conscious parents, this award-winning nursery essential offers the convenience and value of utilizing any standard trash bag or reusable cloth liner. This feature makes it the easiest disposal system to load, use, empty and clean. Offering a modern and sophisticated twist to a once very industrious product, the sleek Ubbi diaper pail includes a child proof lock and is available in an array of 13 colours and.5 patterns. All the style and none of the smell- a promising solution for every nursery." - Ubbi World 
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​I began using the Ubbi when my daughter was only one week old. I had it conveniently stationed directly beside my bed for easy diaper disposal and nighttime changes. My daughter is now four months old, and we still use our Ubbi every single day. 

Ubbi claims to have created a diaper pail which will seal the smell inside and prevent the heinous odors of three day old baby diapers from permeating your home. I attest that their statement holds true — despite our Ubbi diaper pail's close proximity to our bed, we have never been assailed by any odours when the pail was closed. 

Clean, compact and sleek-looking — this diaper pail is everything anyone could and would possibly want in a diaper pail. It holds its own compared to other pails on the market and is well worth every cent. The structure is sturdy and well designed, this product does not scream cheap. 

The diaper pail came with a few garbage bags to get us started and can be used with disposable or cloth diapers. We love the fact we can purchase a reusable and washable one to be throwing in with the rest of our washing. 

The powder-coated steel that comes in loads of colours to choose from  coordinating with any decor and room.

​It has been an essential item in our daily life with baby.

Check out the great selection of diaper pails here. 

*Disclaimer — Our collective was provided with the diaper pail for free for the purpose of a review, however, my thoughts and opinions expressed in this review are solely my own and were not influenced by the company or its affiliates in anyway. This is not a paid endorsement.*