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Decisions, decisions...

28/11/2016

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Adulting. Ugh. I love that this is now a thing. There are various definitions of “adulting” ranging from having a job or paying bills to making life changing decisions and caring for little humans. I feel that in my 20 years of being in the “legal age” bracket, I can honestly say that I've never really felt the harrows of adulting until this past year... making major changes that effect more than my singular, seemingly insignificant self. I'm not saying that having children is what truly makes you an adult, I'm just saying that for me, life was life and I never really did much to change things. Stuff happened and I rolled with it. That was me. That was it. But these days, there is decision making left and right and up and down! Sugar or sweetener, dayhome or daycare or why am I even working, cereal or toast, shower or dry shampoo (again), 21-day Fix or all of the chocolate, roman blinds or curtains, quit my job or apply for a new one, vasectomy or birth control, go to bed at a reasonable hour or Netflix it up when the kids go to bed? The struggle is real. Some choices, ya know, not so difficult. But some are really ones that I never in my wildest dreams thought would be things I would be thinking about. But I do. Daily. Adulting. Ugh.

And now that I'm this "adult", I have to actually deal with change. What's best for me? What's best for them? I have to help my children deal with change. Transitions. Bite me. After moving in September, the dust is finally starting to settle. There is a semblance of order to our lives. There are nights of almost complete sleep. Almost. Yeah, I'm exaggerating. They aren't very close to almost yet... but the rest of it is there. Routine and consistency and not-McDonald's every second night. This is my definition of success. Everyone tells me that the sleep will come and holy hell am I ever betting on that. With all of this responsibility for change and dealing with the fallout, I am very glad that I am an adult... so I can buy and drink all the wine. 



There are moments when the thoughts creep in. “I remember when...” and “Wouldn't it be great if...” and “I really miss...” We had our favourite restaurants that we went to whenever, we bought all the things we wanted, we went to see every movie and every band that came to town and I never ever cared if a show was on a weekday. I went to the gym! I actually cooked without a crockpot! I wore make up and owned more than one real bra! But I didn't have impromptu dance parties before dinner. I didn't get to watch anyone learn to read or write or see them make friends. I didn't get snotty face prints on my pants because someone loved me so much that they needed to hug me so hard one more time before I went to work. These are the things that make adulting much less daunting. If this is where I get to adult, I can deal with that. As far as choices go, I choose here. I choose now.

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Chrissy Boone is a Labour Doula with Full Circle Birth Collective and has supported children and families for many years in the human services field. To learn more about Chrissy, click here.

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Connection Through Touch

3/3/2016

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Connection Through Touch; The Benefits to Ourselves and Our Children
Sonya Duffee CLD, CLDT, CCCE, CPD

​Touch is an integral part of being human. Every inch of our skin is connected to nerves that relay the sense of touch to our brain for interpretation. Human touch produces a soothing and calming affect. It allows us to feel loved and cared for. Is it possible that there is more to it than we know? Is it usually instinctual to reach out to our children and hold them and nurture them from the start of their life?

Researchers have been discovering the benefits of immediate skin to skin contact for infants at birth, and the impact it has on their emotional engagement and development. Mothers who immediately engage skin to skin touch with their infants at the time of birth have increased maternal behaviour, and develop more confidence in themselves. Caring for their newborn is enhanced and they tend to breastfeed for longer periods of time.
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We are biologically programmed to hold our little ones close, which is just one reason why we love our children. There is convincing evidence that the hormone oxytocin is released in great amounts in mothers during birth, as well as through breastfeeding, and is involved in the formation of maternal behaviour.

Over the years, medical researchers have discovered the basic biological facts regarding the benefits and necessity of human contact and connection. Being touched brings a sense of safety and comfort in our environment, and it is through touch that healthy brain development occurs. [1]

There were three areas that became dominant in the research between parent and child, which concluded the need for connection at the start of life. The three areas were as follows:

Brain Development - Studies suggests that touch helps in brain development and produces a calming effect, reducing the stress hormone cortisol, which can be damaging to human brain tissue, effecting learning and memory. Loving affection and touch have been confirmed to develop healthy emotions and neurobiological development. [2]

Bonding – Connecting with our infant, holding and caressing them with gentle touch, brings a deeper connection to parents. The hormone dopamine, is heightened, producing a feel-good high which also helps your baby to emotionally attach to you. This positive interaction boosts self-confidence and security, and as the child grows, helps nurture his or her ability to relate to others.

Growth and Survival – The first contact an infant has with its mother brings a surge of hormones that can help regulate body temperature and blood sugar levels, as well as lower stress hormones that can inhibit sleep patterns and growth. A lack of touch can lower levels of growth hormone in a child, resulting in an immune system that may be weakened and create other health problems.

Science has identified positive effects of touch for babies and families to also include pain relief, physiological stability in heart rate and temperature of the newborn, infant weight gain and growth, and deeper parent-infant interactions. [3]

Infants in the NICU or who are born prematurely, greatly benefit from ‘kangaroo care’, (skin to skin with mothers) and receiving gentle touch. Dr. Neil Bergman, a senior medical superintendent states, "Physiology and research provide overwhelming evidence that kangaroo mother care is not only safe, but superior to the use of technology such as incubators. Depriving babies of skin-to-skin contact makes alternative stress pathways in the brain, which can lead to ADD, colic, and sleep disorders, among other things."

It is important for parents to consider their infant’s response to touch. Be conscious of signs of overstimulation, and of the delicate balance of our children’s needs. Signs of overstimulation in infants include crying, fussiness, hyperactivity and being withdrawn. In older infants, this may include clinging or hitting. Babies will often show a spaced out stare, turn away from their parents, or just not engage. The baby’s movements may become noticeably jerky, especially when on the verge of crying.

Touch can be through various means, such as cuddling, massage, gentle caressing of the hair, cheeks and face. Follow your infant’s cues to find out if your child becomes overstimulated and sensitive to touch. Use gentle light touches and gradual adjustments to physical affection. As children develop a sense of self, personal space and boundaries, their desire for affection may change. The positive effects and benefits are numerous! Follow your instinct and bring your child close to you for those warm cuddles, because before you know it, they will be off and running.

References:
  1. Study titled, "Bodily Pleasure Matters: Velocity of Touch Modulates Body Ownership During the Rubber Hand Illusion” were published online in Frontiers of Psychology. The research was led by Neuropsychoanalysis Centre Director Dr. Aikaterini (Katerina) Fotopoulou from University College London, and Dr. Paul Mark Jenkinson of the Department of Psychology, University of Hertfordshire in the UK.
  2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-athletes-way/201310/loving-touch-is-key-healthy-brain-development
  3. https://www.nobabyunhugged.huggies.com/Assets/Files/The_Power_of_Human_Touch_for_Babies.pdf
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​Sonya Duffee is a certified labour and postpartum doula, doula trainer, childbirth educator and placenta encapsulator with Full Circle Birth Collective. She is a founding member of Full Circle Birth Collective and has been serving families since 1998.

​Click here to read more about Sonya
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Thriving in the First Year: Expectations vs. Reality

16/2/2016

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When my daughter was born almost two years ago, I was completely blindsided. With how fiercely I loved her from the moment she was earthside. With how her cries touched something so deep in my soul that they physically hurt me. With how much my heart would swell with pride and joy to see my husband become a father. But along with all the wonderful, happy moments, there were some really, really difficult things that I was in no way prepared for. I now think there are many aspects of motherhood that you can’t prepare for, no matter how many books you read, online mom’s groups you’re part of, or classes you take. I also think I did myself a bit of a disservice by holding some, what I now know, were unrealistic expectations for myself and my baby. Expectations can be useful; indeed, they are a normal part of the human experience. But when we hold high expectations, whether from some internal vision or external, societal or family pressure, and those expectations are not met, we can feel like we’ve let ourselves or others down. I don’t think that’s a great way to feel any time, but especially in the postpartum period! Here are a few of the expectations I had for my baby and myself, and what ended up being our reality.

The Birth Plan
Expectation: I had a midwife and a doula, I took all the classes, listened to my Hypnobirthing tracks every evening, practiced my affirmations every morning, I bought my homebirth supplies months ahead of time; I thought I was READY for this whole birth thing. I was going to be one of those “loosey goosey” women we saw in the videos, calmly breathing through contractions. Maybe I would even sleep through them! I would breathe baby out and we would go on our merry way!

Reality: Birth is INTENSE. Birth is life-altering. Birth is hard work. The hardest work I’ve ever done in my life. Nothing could have prepared me for what it felt like, or how transformative the whole experience would be. That first contraction took my breath away, and I felt like I didn’t get it back until 18 hours later after I pushed...really, really, hard...(not breathed…) my daughter out. The good news is, all the preparation work I did helped give me a strong framework of support to reach my goal of a natural birth. When I wanted to give up, my doula was there to remind me of my birth plan. When I felt like the pain was becoming too much, I was able to lean back on my Hypnobirthing preparation and my husband to calm me.

Breastfeeding
Expectation: My perfect baby would do the perfect “breast crawl” immediately after birth, just like we saw in all those videos! All the books say that baby will eat 10-12 times a day, so that means she’ll nurse for 15 or so minutes at 8am, 10am, noon, and so on. Right? And I hadn't really thought about it in depth, but I had a vague notion that all this feeding would take place during the daytime hours only.

Reality: Nothing about babies is predictable, and nothing could have prepared me for often and for how long my baby would nurse, how beyond exhausting it would be, and how many unexpected issues we would have. Along with a lip and tongue tie and latching difficulties, we dealt with mastitis, thrush, clogged ducts, and a nipple shield. And that doesn’t even include the typical aspects of nursing based on baby’s cues. Cluster feeding for hours at a time, baby wanting to nurse 10 minutes after she’d just finished a marathon nursing session, growth spurts where I was convinced I did not have enough for her, and not being able to leave for longer than an hour at a time because she wouldn’t take a bottle were all things I experienced in the first few weeks and months. I now know those are all very normal breastfed baby behaviors, but not having many close examples of this, I was convinced something was wrong. Luckily, I again had access to great support and was able to make it through all of those challenges and continue to nurse my daughter today. I think if I had had more realistic expectations, or had known what a typical breastfeeding relationship looked like, I would have been much more accepting early on and would have relaxed into the whole process more.

Sleep:
Expectation: Babies fall asleep when they’re tired. Babies take a few regular, predictable, long naps every day because babies *like* to sleep, and I’ll be able to get so much done when the baby is asleep. Babies sleep at night. I will nurse her to sleep, lay her down, and again, go on my merry way!

Reality: Parents, go ahead and laugh. And if you have a baby who likes sleep then I am mildly (read: very) jealous. Next to breastfeeding, sleep was our biggest challenge. I had a baby who seemed to survive on a fraction of the amount of sleep the books said she needed, who did not fall for any of the “tricks” like babywearing, the stroller, or the car seat, who did not have any sort of regularity or pattern to her sleep, who woke at the smallest noise, and who, still to this day, has never fallen asleep on her own. We did eventually figure out a rhythm that worked for us, and that meant she spent most of her first year napping on me. At almost 2-years-old, she still does for part of her daily nap. While sometimes I wish I would have more time to get things done during the day, I’m grateful for the chance to slow down and snuggle my sweet babe. This time has gone so fast already, and I will never regret the time I spent getting in all the cuddles I could!


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The early days. Pride, elation, exhaustion, with a side of "what am I doing?"

My Body:
Expectation: I was fairly healthy before I got pregnant. I was at a healthy goal weight, eating a whole foods diet that made me feel really good, exercising, and had a lot of energy. Sure, I slipped a little (or a lot) when I was pregnant. But I was eating for two, right? Baby NEEDED McDonald’s french fries every other day. Or pizza every week. But I was sure that after she was born I’d get right back on track. I was going to give myself a little time to recover, and then when she was a month old I was going to start back with my healthy diet, and when I got the all-clear from my midwife at my 6-week postpartum checkup I was going to start exercising again.

Reality: Nope and nope. I did not realize how *starving* I would be while exclusively breastfeeding a baby, and that I would eat at least two times more than an Olympic weightlifter at every meal. Needless to say, this was not conducive to rapid postpartum weight loss! As for exercise, I would have loved to get moving more, but when was I going to have time between all the nursing and not sleeping? I have lost my pregnancy weight, but it has been a much slower, more gradual process than I imagined. Luckily chasing a busy toddler has provided me with some daily cardio, and once she started eating more solids, weight loss became much easier.


As you can see, my first year of motherhood didn’t go quite as planned! I had some pretty unrealistic expectations of my baby and myself, but I have learned so, so much in these few short years, and know I have so much to continue to learn. Part of my growth has come from realizing that it’s okay to scale down my expectations of myself, and to be gentler with myself as I navigate the ever-changing stages of parenthood. Once I started doing that, I really began to enjoy the whole process a lot more. The second year has been much more manageable, and while I know we will have many challenges to come, I’m prepared to face them with grace and some more realistic expectations.
~Kelsey

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Kelsey Voelker is a labor doula and lactation educator with Full Circle Birth Collective. Learn more about Kelsey here.



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Our diaper odyssey

9/2/2016

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My first poop & pee excreting wiggly worm was born in 2012. I knew about cloth diapers but it seemed overwhelming and too much work to figure out what to buy especially while averaging 2 consecutive hours of sleep a night. I wasn’t interested in diapers before baby was born since there were other expensive must haves to shop for- like car seats (another one of the many overwhelming adventures).There were so many types, sizes, brands, costs, etc. that I didn’t want to cheap out and buy ones that I would end up hating. So, we used disposable nappies. I felt silly throwing away multiple nappy nuggets everyday so after a few months I decided to check out some cloth diapers online when little Miss was 4 months old.

I spent under $100 and bought some “Prefold” inserts, a fastener, and two waterproof covers. I loved being able to cloth diaper! I’m pretty sure my brother thought I turned hippy, my husband wouldn’t use them, and my mom thought they smelled funny. So I had no immediate support for my cloth diapering adventure. I didn’t care. I kept using them. Afterall, I am “resourceful”…. or Swiss, as some put it. I sewed my own wet bag, reusable laundry bag, fleece inserts and cloth wipes.

​I didn’t mind doing the laundry myself despite the stink. It was a bit of extra work but when you’re on maternity leave for a year and have only one child, there’s plenty of time in a week to do a few extra loads of laundry, right? Well, I ended up deciding my kid peed too much (or maybe she just liked drinking from the mammary’s ALL OF THE TIME) and the cloth diapers constantly leaked. So not only was I doing nappy nugget laundry, I was also washing more clothes than you can imagine.

I had a friend who became a nappy entrepreneur. She bought a whole set of the “fancy” cloth diapers before baby was even born! I admired her diving into diapers like this. Partly because of her, I decided to spend the money and upgrade to the “fancy” ones. I searched high and low for the best deal and finally bought a set of All-In-One diapers when little Miss was a year old!  Why did it take me this long!? I was so excited about my purchase! I felt like a little girl enthralled with her new toy ponies- but instead it was diapers. But they were so much more than just diapers! They were cool coloured diapers- like jelly bean colours and ones that even had monsters on them and “ooglie booglie” written all over the bum. I would for sure have the best diapered baby on the block!

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Over the next while, I got the rest of the family on the cloth diapering wagon. My husband began to use them (let me clarify- not for himself, but for the baby), my brother probably still thinks I’m hippy but secretly wishes he didn’t have to throw out nappy nuggets from his kids everyday (Because after all he’s Swiss too!), and my mom helped me figure out how to get the “stink” out!  I also learned a few tricks- like sun bleaching. It actually works and I was totally blown away when the stains on the white bamboo tri-folds magically faded on a hot sunny day.

So now my little Miss has graduated from her nappies and even her potty. The youngest little Miss has obliterated her nappies many times over and we are now onto the next adventure for her in the next few weeks. So, stay tuned for the next chapter: all about “pee pee on the potty” and “poo poo on the potty” dances!

Cloth diapering has been great for us. I do recommend it but understand that it is not for everyone! ​

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​Nicole Sailes is our lovely Hypnobabies Instructor and Hypno-doula with Full Circle Birth Collective.

​To learn more about Nicole click here
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"Those" Days 

25/1/2016

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No one really tells you what life is like as a parent. And they can't. Really. It's different for all of us. All we can say to each other is "ugh" and "totally" and " oh, I know..." And we really mean all of those things! Sometimes we mean them negatively and sometimes we mean them in the most amazingly unbelievably positive and exciting way possible. Parenting brings out the best in us: the best times, the best feelings, the best impression of our own parents' voices that we swore we would never use... it's an endless adventure that will continue for the rest of our lives.

My own adventure this week was full of ups and downs and round and rounds. Here are some highlights:
~ I was told "I love you" by a four year old who was in the middle of pooping.
~ I cooked up some caramelized onions and grated some maple cheddar to up the classiness factor of hot dog night.
~ I removed approximately 157 pairs of underwear from the legs of inside out pants. (Ok, this is an exaggeration, but it was a lot... every. single. pair.)
~ I said "Dude, your penis doesn't go in your bowl..."
~ I also said "Hot wheels stay on the tracks... let's keep them out of your diaper."
~ I was told "I don't like you and I am never washing my hair ever again!"
~ The movie Home made me cry. Again.
~ I sat on the couch and drank a glass of wine and talked with my husband about our plans for the basement bathroom, his interview next week, and how amazing our kids are.

Some days I think "Oh my god, what the hell?" or "Why is no one sleeping in this house at 3am anymore?!?!" And that's perfect. It's all about balance, friends. If I didn't have those days, I might not appreciate those other amazingly unbelievable days where my kids tell me knock knock jokes while we are driving and they kiss me for no reason and they tell me they love me 180% when the KD is ready and we play cars for hours and no one puts their penis in a bowl or a hot wheels car in their diaper.
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Chrissy Boone is a Labour Doula with Full Circle Birth Collective. She lives with boys and loves (almost) every second of it.
​
​Click here to learn more about Chrissy. 
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